Life has been very romantic lately.

Unknown and confusing and both flighty and grounded all at once.

I remember being 14 and seeing my entire life by your side. Life is wild.

I remember a water bottle and abandoned bleachers. I remember axe body spray and the way I had never been kissed.

I know the way I never stop loving any of you. 14. 15. 17. 18. 31. 32. There’s a word for that. I’m Polyamorous and you justify your mean words and thoughts to move on while I hold you in the highest regard. It hurts. But I hold onto love anyway. Self righteous? Maybe. But that’s okay. If that’s my biggest fault, it’s authentic and I don’t care.

J, R, N, B, C, C, A…I’ll always think of you on your birthdays, your extra hard days, the most meaningful anniversaries….its gross to most, I know. You wish I wouldn’t. But I do. And I will. I give a little piece of me forever and I take a little piece of you. You’re whole. I’m whole. We adapt that way. But in my heart I’m a little bit yours forever. And you’re a little bit mine.

You shared your families and your most vulnerable moments with me in that chapter of life and I promise to never take them for granted. Best I’m able. While maintaining humanity and the will to continue on.

I’m grateful to be me, on my own, tonight. Alone, surrounded by cigar smoke and flashing lights. My top six contacts being people I could have never predicted 18 months ago…

I don’t know where this is going. But I’m grateful. I’m okay. And I hope sometimes you hear a song or my birthday passes and you think of me, too.

Nirvana & I think of you