the
Jaclynn Wilkinson
Blog

the
Jaclynn Wilkinson
Blog

welcome
friend

welcome
friend

This one’s for you.

Jul

17

For the blog readers. The true SJP supporters. The Google Browsers. This one’s for you.

Not the Facebook tribe of friends of friends of friends who were fed a link from the algorithm. Because I never subjected this post to it.

Not the hashtag fight on Instagram or whatever the heck is going on over in Twitter (what even is that platform for??).

For the love of curiosity. For the love of me. Jaclynn. For whatever reason you opened this blog post that went unsponsored. This one’s for you.

I’m weird right now. I feel weird. I don’t know what’s “me” and what’s not but a few solid foundations….Like Yoga. Coffee. SJP. My love for my family. The details though? They’re hazy.

Let’s get raw.

In Vegas Clynn did a shoot with me by the pool. “Lifestyle” portraits for my feed to show the more exposed, fun, adventurous side of me. I was done being censored. Done feeling like EVERY SINGLE POST needed to make my brides feel safe in a SOLID BRAND and like I was this fine oiled machine comparable to companies like Starbucks or Geico–when everyone knows I’m a 1-4 man show (depending on the time of year) with less than three full years under my belt –what a joke. Done feeling like I needed to fake my way into the hearts of the LDS following I started with. I like cocktails. and not wearing pants. I like coffee. I’m obsessed with my pink hair and I think I verge on some weird version of OCD with how I can’t stop touching it if it’s not in a pony tail or french braid.

You want to know how I’m really doing right now?

I’m sad. And I’m so happy and proud.

I am sad that I lost my best friend in building this business just weeks before Leo was born. I’m sad that she just dropped out and left because of entrepreneurial differences after a decade of intimate friendship. The truth is I was codependent on her. I needed her to feel validated in anything I did. This held me back in ways most people will never understand…and as my business calms down from the crazy that was 2017 I’m left to deal with the emotional grief I never dealt with back when it was fresh.

But I’m so happy to be okay. I’m so proud of how far I’ve been able to come on my own and finding validation within my own mind. I do what I love. I do what feels right WHEN it feels right regardless of what any one person may think.

And you want to know what? The response to getting a little less censored wasn’t warm. It hasn’t been great. My “following” is probably pretty confused.

I’m confused too.

Maybe it’s an early midlife crisis…or maybe it’s just realizing how quickly people change…but sometimes I look at photos of me and I think “I’m genuinely happy here”…”But who is that?”…Weird, yeah?

There are things going on in my personal life that need to stay private. But they’re scary. and they pull me into trances of sitting on the floor of my unfinished camping trailer for an hour at a time staring into space wondering what life will be like a year from now…and if it’s a place I want to be.

Then I come back to Yoga. Coffee. SJP. My love for my family. Rose Gold Hair. and I know I’ll survive just fine.

SO this one’s for you nosey peruser. My name is Jaclynn and I am so freakin human. Life IS NOT perfect. Nope, not even when told through seemingly flawless contrast, focus, color, light, or framing. When my smile is so real, last night may have still been hell. When I speak of love and promise for a better tomorrow, it’s likely 90% for me and 10% for whoever needs to hear it, too. I cry allot. and I laugh out loud at the jokes I tell myself in my head.

I always leave analyzing everything and wondering if I did well enough. Every email. Every Shoot. Every Meeting. Every Gallery.

There’s a person on the other side of this digital creation. There’s a family and a career. There’s a dream and a momboss who has showed up every day for the last 1,028 days in some way and will definitely be showing up tomorrow.

I won’t let you forget. You true supporter. That I’m real. and I’m never perfect. However, I can honestly say I’m ALWAYS trying to be better. So sit back and watch this midlife crisis/I don’t know what the heck is going on stage unfold. Sense it in my photos. Sense it in my captions. Because it’s human. And it’s OKAY. –HECK. I choose to believe it’s beautiful.

Sincerely,

Jaclynn

 

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

THE LATEST

Broken sublimity. “I am because you wouldn’t have it any other way.” You, are not. I should have heard that. They weren’t an illusion on my mountain. They were fixed in the sky. A planet with gravitational pull that kept my feet on the ground. A united reality where I slept safely. A further joke […]

Rolling Undefined

Becky booked Ethan’s Baseball Senior Photos with The Studio about a year before we were able to finally document them. I’m so happy we finally got together to document a special time for their whole family and especially Ethan! Becky and I first met when I photographed her and Aaron’s engagement photos at the Milton […]

Baseball Senior Photos

We’ve officially been nomadic for 18 months and we find ourselves getting cozy in Lake Chelan, Washington for the summer! With two weddings remaining summer 2022, we’re preparing to leave the state, but not just yet. I feel the need to stay close to my couples around their wedding dates which puts us not traveling […]

Eighteen Months Nomadic

I’m celebrating. In a family suite at Little Creek. By a dreamy electric fireplace in dusk window light. There’s the sound of little boys watching cartoons in another room and Dinah munching food while I sip Grapefruit Pompelini. Clynn’s at a Poker Tournament. Laughing, I’m sure. Winning? Most likely. Dropping a hand or two out […]

Grapefruit Pompelini